Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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