Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
