do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
