my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
