Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
