I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
