o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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