Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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