4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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