Ketchup is God's man juice
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
