so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
