Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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