I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
