Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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