Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
