First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
