i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
