the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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