And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
