She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
