so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
