so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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