i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
