Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
