Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
