NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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