Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
