I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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