somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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