Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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