I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
