Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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