:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
