I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
