Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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