my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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