Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
