i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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