Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize