Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
