the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
