you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
