you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
