saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
