I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
