so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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