Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
