Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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