So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
