it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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