i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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