When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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