i just wanna soil my oats bro
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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