Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
