T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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