I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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