Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
