i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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