Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
