I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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