update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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