mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
