After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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