Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't notice because vodka
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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