Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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