I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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