she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
