hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
