it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize