Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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