2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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