Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
