Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
