Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
