I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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