I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
