I wannas sexs uuuuu
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
