Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
