dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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